first of all, i just finished writing this and i spell checked it, and i spelt 39 words wrong. i am so sorry to all of you who that annoys, i cannot believe i call myself a 5th year college student. anyways, on to the blog.

2 days on the same course but the races couldn't be more different.  I think the only thing that stayed consistent was that if i attacked it was a bad idea and if i sat in the pack it was also a bad idea.

The first day i got a very sweet little starting spot on the line but then for some reason i decided to take a lap and start at the back. a decision that i would regret for the next 2 hours and 10 minutes.  within 10 laps of the 80 lap race there were 8 guys off the front and the teams were satisfied with it enough to be shutting the pack down completely.  I attacked to attempt to bridge the gap, spent 5 laps on my own and got caught back up by the pack who was chasing the break.  holy tired. I jumped in to the 4th spot and when it came time for me to take my turn at the front, i did.  I am sick of watching these breaks go without me, I don't want to race for 9th, that's stupid.  So after participating in the chase for a bit a Kelly benefits guy asked me why i would be chasing.  He makes a good point.  Discouraged, i sat in the pack to wait until we got lapped and thought about my interaction with the pro from Kelly benefits.  I know hes right, i have no business chasing, i should just wait until the next move goes and go with that.  I let my emotions take control of me and i feel that when that happens i do extremely stupid things, like sit in and miss the 15 man chase group that went off while i pouted at the back. heres how you can relate to that. say your walking down the street and someone runs out of the walgreens having just robbed it with a gun.  you look behind you and a police officer begins to run after him, you react by also running after him, getting to him before the police officer does.  once there you have to ask yourself "what do i do now, the police officer is back there, this guy is right here, and i am the only person without a gun. I dont even know why i chased this guy.  See, now thats pretty stupid.  You should let the police officer take care of it. or if you haad like a team of 5 guys with oozies and bazookas, then maybe it would be ok for you to take over. but the shower loofa you just bought stands at a substantial disadvantage to bullets at this point.

so, completely screwing that race up, i added injury to insult when someone in front of me went down in the last corner on lap 70.  I saw that 15 man break roll by (that was the first time i saw it and found out about it, earlier in the race i had commented about how the pack looked really small.... well that's why) and i decided to take the day as over, i showed my extreme inexperience as a racer and also the danger of not being in control of my emotions.  Things happen that are out of your control in the race, and the best thing i can do is to try my hardest and when something bad happens, to regroup and race my bike. I am young and inexperienced, but i am also there at the start line.  I had to do something to get there, and there's got to be learning that takes place that gets me to the level of the guys like the Kelly benefits guy.  I can take his advice in 2 ways, pissed off for the rest of the race, or as a helpful pointer and regroup and race again. Moral of the story, dont rob walgreens, as there really isnt much there to steal anyways.

So race again, day 2. After some serious speeding on the side streets of Illinois to even get the the race (traffic is death, ride a bike people, seriously) i got to the race expecting a break.  No breaks (except for the the guy who had 45 seconds with 11 laps to go, that's amazing).  None.  In fact, with 5 to go it was not fast, i was in the top 10 guys, nothing was happening.  I couldn't understand it.  Then Chad Hartley threw off an attack and i jumped on it, unfortunately dragging the field with me which screwed him pretty bad and then as if that was not enough i managed to screw him up again in the last lap.  I found myself on the front with 3/4 laps to go, i have no idea how that happened, so in a panic (knowing i should NOT be there with 3/4 of a lap to go) i pulled off leaving Hartley (who was on my wheel, didn't know that) on the front.  I wish i could rewind to that moment and just give it everything i had, making up for screwing him 4 laps earlier.  the entire pack rolled by me pretty much and i finished somewhere in the 20th range, again.

rough 2 days.  screwed up a bunch. So to ease my head of the last 6 days i went to the patio at patty's pub for a few beers and chex mix with annie, a good way to calm down and not talk about biking.  I think after the last two days i have gained alot, and now i am out  of the mental funk i put myself in with the pressures of trying to do the right thing in the races only to do the wrong thing over and over again.  So its back to racing, because its fun and its what i love. a bad attitude isn't going to get me anywhere but on the phone whining about something stupid again.

tonight is shorewood.  its home field. im sitting on a couch right now and not driving to Illinois.  tonight there will be tons of people there rooting for me who dont care if i do well at all, which is awesome.  I am considering it as a new start. if the race doesn't go well that's ok, that happens.  no matter what, afterwords there will be some fun partying and great friends to hang around with and i am sure some great snacks to munch on.  So! Lets roll.  Tonight is going to be fun.

Jim "wait, you mean its not easy to win these races? why am i somewhat surprised? maybe i should take up an easier game to win, like being a camp councilor for 8 year olds and making them play football with me, full contact, i call running back" stemper