The 2006 Annual Bone Ride...May 17th

This ride is organized by a local legend, Tom Schuler, who originally  started it as a training ride in the late 80's with some buddies  (many of them pros). Ride from Milwaukee to Madison...stop for lunch  on State St. and ride back to Milwaukee. 160 miles @ 20+ mph...that  is the idea. It is a big event with former pros...pros amateur  racers and other cycling loyalists who can bring it. velo Trocadero showed well with Chris Mantel, Scott Thistle, Jeff Lex, Dave Schlabowske, Jack Hirt, Steve Roeder and myself.

100+ cyclists set out from Tom's around 8:30 am and break into 4 groups (each with it's own support vehicle for flats and mechanicals). We ride parallel to 94W on the north side and switch
to the south around Wales and take B and BB all the way into Madison...that is the "plan.." Mother Nature had the opportunity to weigh in this year.  Leaving Tosa it was a beautiful 65 degrees with 70-75 on tap for later IF the weather held off...well, it didn't. About 42 miles into the trek to Madison (I remember looking down at my computer as the horse pill sized raindrops began...Steve and Dave had planned to whip it around halfway and did so as the rain started to try and save  themselves from a drenching...I heard they planned on doing 60 so Dave could get back and take care of his dogs...they ended up doing around 100 after getting lost (Heh, it is a lot easier following 20 guys who don't know where they are going!).

I should have known that my short-sleeved, no arm warmers, no knee warmers, no vest, no rain jacket, no frickin' common sense ass was going to pay for "riding light," holy crap did I!! most people where smart enough to bring ONE layer at least...not me...I decided to risk it and be "optimistic" about the weather...well my ass was frozen within 10 minutes of the blinding downpour.

Riding in the rain SUCKS!! You know that all your perception is warped when you ride on the front at 24 mph just so you don't have to suck wheel spray! Know matter how many times I have ridden in the rain, I still can't figure out how the hell you are supposed to breathe when there is a garden hose full of field pesticide runoff, manure and oil streaming into your mouth. But, as I stated before, I clearly don't know what the hell I am doing. I was pretty close to race weight and didn't really have a ton of winter insulation to keep me warm...so, I froze! It rained hard most of the way to Madison. 30 miles or so.

State Street was like getting to Vegas and FINALLY gettin to the Peeler Joints!! You are just so glad to be there. We sat down @ Qdoba and polished off a few burritos...Jeff was weighing how deadly his super spicy rito was going to be...So, we wrung out our socks, mixed our sport drink, tipped our bikes upside down to drain out the water and most importantly, REAPPLIED THE  CHAMOIS CREAM!!

We convened @ Yellow Jersey for a group pic, only to be joined by some incredibly wasted bald weightlifter who looked like he just escaped from the nearest Shprockets Disco...who insisted on being in our picture, cuz he rode up on a Specialized mtn. bike...and no one really wanted to tell him to buzz off, afraid he would head butt one of us. So, if the picture (the owner of Yellow Jersey has it) survived, he is right in the middle, I will try and get it for some corroboration of this story.
He also insisted in leading our group off State Street to the Capitol, speeding to the front with his jacket and long cable lock dangling off him...this, as well as the 40 odd beers he must have consumed proved to be his undoing as he couldn't multi-task and ended up on his face when his jacket got caught in his front spokes and flipped him over his handlebars in the middle of an intersection...we just rode quietly by.

The sun had been out in Madison and we agreed that the rain wasn't that bad...as we were leaving Madison looking north west it was hard to miss the black sky...I am not saying this for added drama...IT WAS BLACK!! Sure enough it opened up on us again, with much more ferocity this time, about 10 miles out of Madison. The major difference now was the added tailwind which allowed us to set a pretty fast pace of at least 28 mph. Most of the Trocs were in the lead group so as to stay together and be part of the faster group back as we were in the 4th group on the way to Madison...the first group was intent on gettin back ASAP apparently by the almost constant 30+ mph. The weather just got worse and worse...I always dread the shoes filling with water, you know that there is no way back from the heavy pedaling from then on. It was awful. It took me
two weeks to properly thaw out and write this. 1st you were wet...no big deal really...then, the temperature dropped...this is the point where my "pack light, ride light" philosophy got me into trouble, then it started to rain so hard that all you could see were a few riders in front of you and a curtain of rain, rain that hurt.

Meanwhile our wives were at home watching a red and yellow swash of rain and hail drench a stretch from about the Madison city limits to Brookfield...we couldn't have picked a worse time to head back straight INTO the storm...I found out when I got back that if we had waited in Madison about an hour or so, we probably would have missed the whole thing...nice consolation.

The good thing about the high pace on the way back was the nonstop pace and drive to haul ass...the bad thing was...he nonstop pace and drive to haul ass!! Jack, me and Chris stopped @ a (very busy) intersection to relieve ourselves because the group had to actually slow down and turn left...we were quickly gapped far enough never to get back on...so the 3 of us crank away seperately in the rain after the lead group...a support vehicle sees Chris and slows down to try
and pace us up to the group...sweet! Jack and I can't get in the slipstream...thanks for hoggin it Chris and we are left behind...not sweet!! Jack pulls away from me, thanks Jack, and the van comes back for Jack...soon enough I was totally alone, freezin' and starting to kind of freak out about riding the next 40 miles by myself. The van finally came back to get me...I got on and put my head down and cranked to keep up...motor pacing should be reserved for nice weather...I hit some rail road tracks that I didn't see and both my hands just bounced off my bars, if there would have been another set of tracks I would have been a dead man!! That was the first clue that my mind and body were starting to disconnect. I was losing the ability to do anything but ride as hard as I could.

The van paced me back to a mini group and I went ahead to join Dave Engwiss who was off the lead group stuck in his 52-14...maybe he shoulda stayed upright more often in the Parkside races!! Change out those shifters Dave!! I was able to bridge back when the group hit a small town...about 15 or so of us. When we hit Brookfield the rain let up and the hypothermia began...the rain almost insulated me from the wind...now my hands had turned to claws and my legs were shaking. We were still hammering with the tailwind...so we kept going and the plan was to go north to Gebhardt Rd as the group went to the Right onto Bluemound so we could roll in easy...as we got to the turn everyone went with us and get driving hard up Gebhardt...I was starting to really shake all over, even the Cole House who had passed me in the rain an hour earlier going 35 mph was hurting, the little guys were freezing.

I didn't actually ride home...when Jack and I got to his house in Tosa, I was so cold I couldn't really talk...I just stood in his kitchen. I showered up there and had to use my thumb to claw my kit
off and get in the shower...FUN!! I am sure that this story could be repeated about 50x more by others...I spent the next week sick and totally off the bike...hmmm, maybe not the smartest thing I had ever done. See ya next year!!

~Patrick "Noodles" Haley